Random Thoughts; 11/18

Today I stuck to my goal, and for that I come that much closer to my end all goal. It may not be much but I did what I planned and set out to do. In the morning I went to school and I approached. I wouldn’t say approached directly or with intention. I approached just to ask a simple question; “excuse me, how many books do they allow you to take out in the library?” That was #1 goal of the day completed; ask someone in a school a question. Then a few hours later after I finished eating lunch with the family I saw these two European ladies holding a map and just looking for directions. So I went up there and asked them “do you guys need help?” After that I was feeling pretty good. I had completed two of the main goals of the day. After I went home I felt like crap. I was thinking about going to a meetup.com thing. I had an account on meetup.com for a looong looong time, but I never went to any of the events. My anxiety killed me. After a while I talked to my homie and he pushed me to the point where I got frustrated. Then I was thinking, wow I’m getting mad over salsa classes on meetup.com. So I decided to just go with my heart and went. The lesson was awesome, even though I felt really self-conscience and stiff. I was really awkward, especially when I started to dance with the chicks. But in the end I did come away with a few new friends and I got to know this cool chick in my class. I’m just glad I did this, instead of staying at home masturbating, playing games, surfing the net and all other bullshit.

A Shoutout to A Better Asian Man who has helped me immensly this past year

All my life I thought nobody understood me and my problem with not just women but people in general. All my life I thought I would never understand how socially society works. All my life I suffered from very low self image, low self esteem, lack of self confidence, loneliness and the "nice guy" syndrome. Every year seemed to be the same except for this year.

This year was FUCKING MARVELOUS. This year i had the support of the brotherhood. This year one of my coolest buddies William taught me so much about not just how to succeed with women in general but in life as well. He has taught me many ways to reframe my thoughts and shown me his philosophies of going about dating and life.

The one most fascinating and powerful philosophies that he has taught me were to be honest. Honesty I learned is all that is needed because if you are honest with yourself, you are able to show people the meaning and definition of who you are. By being honest with yourself you are demonstrating all that you believe; you’re intentions, your preferences, and most importantly your personality. If they still don't find you attractive, it is never your fault. It is not their fault as well. You have put your best foot forward by being a man, giving all you got and being totally honest. There is nothing much you can do and at the same time there is nothing loss.

It is now the middle of November and I still believe this year has been a cornerstone in my life when it comes to social pursuits and happiness. I've reached a new high because of William and the brotherhood. I am still unable to accept my true identity and be truly confident in whom I am but I do understand that it takes time. I will keep pushing myself and knowing such an extraordinary dude like William I know I will go along way quick...

He is an excellent mentor. In many ways he is like a big brother to me, teaching me stuff that my parents considered bad or shameful and actually showing me that there is nothing to be ashamed about. He is indeed truly a Better Asian Man.

Check out his blog at www.BetterAsianMan.com

Random Thoughts; 10/12/08

AHHHHH.... finally I quit my job. Ever since October of 07 I have been working and going to school. The last two jobs that I had were very easy going, but I just didn't like it. There's something about working under the man I guess. I recently found that out about myself. I seriously do not like working for someone, especially if that work involves a lot of physical activity. I am totally fine with verbal activity though. Working as a salesmen at my last job was definitely very fulfilling, but the long hours just exhausted me and made my life that much more meaningful. I also discovered that I am the type of person that really needs his own personal space. (I should really consider becoming an entrepreneur.) There are times when I really just want to be alone, and most other times I feel so lonely I feel like kidnapping a puppy. I guess that's normal. I think about the future waaayyy to much... But at the same time I guess the ability to be able to look out at your future and be happy is what makes us humankind so different.

In the coming weeks i hope i can volunteer, go sarge, and more importantly improve my learning curve and ability to retain knowledge in school. My grades have been in the toilet ever since my new job. I really have to concentrate on that as well as achieving a balance socially.