Daily Log; April 20,2009 Monday

I got up this morning. Spent the other goddamn half of my time on the computer and then finally got my lazy monkey ass to do something useful at around 3 in the afternoon. I went to hand in my time card and then afterwards I went to Modells to ask them about how to work the stopwatch that I bought from them yesterday. I found out that the stop watch I bought from them did not include the function that I wanted which was to beep at the allotted time that I wanted it too. I want to be able to set it to 2 minutes and then when it hits two minutes it will be, but apparently I guess that's too fucking hard or technologically advanced for a stop watch developed in 2009. Oh yeah I need to remind myself to check out that job expo flyer that's happening on Saturday on the ground level of my building and call the pay roll lady about when I will get paid for my work. I've handed in 3 time cards already and I only got paid for one...

Afterwards I went to school so that I can fill out and hand in my financial aid corrections. When I went the lady told me with a lot of attitude that the financial aid department was closed and there were already signs posted outside that the financial aid office is closed today. Afterwards I met up with one of my Friends Henry and then got some food together in the cafeteria. We met up with Simone and Aaron later on. Now I know for sure that Simone only thinks of me as. Friend but fuck it I should still go for her. That should be the attitude I keep with me "fuck it." do it because I want to do it and not let external forces keep me from doing the things that I want to do.

After that I went to the gym and did a few workouts. I need to find a way that I can do strength training using the HIT program (high intensity training) without slowing down or giving up too easily. This is the best way to gain mass and strength. I really need to practice my round house kicks. I can't recover back to my fighting stance quickly. I always lose my balance. When I got home I watched a movie and then in the end I fell victim to my temptations and masturbated =x

Things that should be done about computer;

-only spend max two hour on the computer every day

- And only for things like blogging and downloading music, etc...

- From now on I can only masturbate when I have done at least one direct approach.

-do not go on the computer too much

-do not go on the computer during the night time!!!

Daily Log; April 18, 2009 Saturday

AFTER A LOOOONNNGG OVER DUE HIATUS!!!!! VRRROOMM!!!VROOM!! VRROOOM!!!

So dam bored today... No girls or even anybody else for that matter to hang out with. Fucking lonely I need to go outside and restock on chicks. I'm way too scared of approaching right now. I have a huge fucking ego right now. I have been telling myself to get my balls together and go solo. But how can I go solo when I'm too lazy and scared to meet up with my wingman on this beautiful Saturday (when hot chicks are most likely out) because of the idea of approaching, the idea of meeting beautiful women. There are many times when I think that I am not even worth their time... So yesterday night some chick slept over at my place. I think I could have made a move but she is a late bloomer and she told me about the many qualms of moving the interaction to fast towards a physical level. Plus she only thinks of me as a friend but I have this biting feeling that she is slowly getting attracted to me. This could be interesting but at the same time I don't want to get stuck under a one-itis role...

In other news my body is still feeling like shit. I found out recently that my body is asymmetrical and I tilt to the left because of scoliosis. My entire head or neck is shifted to the left while bending towards the right and down. I'm still really self conscious about this problem and the way I look because of this problem. I think this self conscious issue has prevented me from doing other things in my life such as approaching women, attending social functions, holding a room at a public gathering, and pursuing physical hobbies such as yoga... I shouldn't be taking this to seriously though. The only thing I can do right now is just work on the stretches. It literally feels tense, stiff and tight. I'm still waiting for my appointment with neurology that way my physical therapists could tell them about my condition and that may result into a Botox shot or even surgery.

Basically all I really did today was walk that chick back to the subway station so that she can go back home and I came extremely late to my driving class. (I need to stop being late for appointments) but hey I think that I am getting way better at driving. I'm still hoping to get that license so that I can apply to be an EMS and then a fireman. Now I'm just sitting on my ass typing this whole entry on the notes section of my phone.

I need to stop typing right now and get off my ass and do something productive on this lovely day. It’s not like I have a pretty girl sitting on my lap right now. I have to do something about that, or at least fix and clean up my home.

updateeeee

Man... Had a rough day today. Today was another day of daytime or non venue type sarging. Went at it for 4 hour but only came out with two approaches which were less than spectacular. I didn't get any numbers or instant dates this time around. I guess I'm still in the process of riding through approach anxiety and beginners hell.

And as always as soon as I got home I watched a movie and then straight to masturbation. Hopefully tomorrow I can cut down on that because my dentist says I should be able to exercise again after a week. So tomorrow will be a week since my wisdom tooth got extracted. Tomorrow I can officially get back out there and do some Muay Thai but that's if my Beth Israel cervical Dystonia appointment doesn't fill up my whole day.
It’s weird because during my sarge many negative thoughts started to flood my mind.
- I will never get good at this because physically I'm unattractive
- Or I am just too weird, to creepy, socially awkward,
- Women are not supposed to be in my life. I do not deserve them especially high quality women.
- I am unfit, not responsible, and not manly/alpha enough
- I do not have much experience
- I do not have a fun lifestyle that the ladies would enjoy
- I am a boring guy
- I am just not born to be cool and have the ladies
- I am born to be a loser my entire life
- I do not know when to shut up and when to talk
- I bring up random uncomfortable topics or conversation threads at the wrong time
- I am atrocious at putting phrases together into a complete sentence
- I have a high squeaky nasal voice
- I am just not made out for this
- The only thing I can do is get numbers, occasional instant dates and sometimes not even both
- There is no way they will meet up with me, they will always flake
- I still live with my parents in a dirty roach, insect spider infested home. There is no way a chick would come to my home and still dig me. I might as not try and should start pick up when I get my own place.
- Just quit dude there is no point, just stay home play video games and masturbate all day.
- You would be lucky or should be lucky to land or get a date, female companionship or a long term girlfriend for that matter.
- I am not going to get laid for a long time no matter how hard I try.
- I masturbate a lot therefore I can't get girls or I am really creepy / socially awkward or socially unacceptable.

Because of the unusually high level of useless negative talk circulating in my head it took me almost the first four hours before I could do my first approach and mentally reframe to fit my composure. Even after I did my sets I still didn't feel like I was king of the world and that I could approach any girl or set. I guess it just takes time and persistence before my mindset can naturalize the fact that I am an attractive person. It’s going to take a while before my mind realizes that I shouldn't take an rejection to personally because in the end its not exactly me who they hate but my approach. Got to stick my approach!


Things I could do to better my game;
- My comfort game is weak and so is my banter
- I need to stick my approach and kino touch them with confidence whenever I open
- pause and say it loud
- stay grounded
- using gestures is optional
- try to mirror her
- still have tons of limiting barriers, beliefs and qualms about getting rejected even though I know nothing really happens after a rejection.
- I don't feel congruent, I feel like I am dishonest with myself and I feel like I am not completely honest to other people.
- I am not in the moment.
- I need to learn to control my mental state and be nonreactive to certain social situations.

LADIES IF YOUR OUT THERE AND GENTLEMAN UPDATE!!!! 2/8/09 SUNDAY

Just woke up bros. Ugh I feel so stiff. It must be from the lack of exercise and waking up at 1 in the freaking afternoon. I haven't been able to move around too much since the extraction, so I have just been taking it easy and not doing anything to physical. My dentist says I should be able to get back to normal activities on Thursday. Well I really hope so; I can't wait to do some Muay Thai and other activities.

So today I don't really have much planned except for maybe clean up my home. My home is really dirty and filled with roaches. I bought a roach spray a few days ago. I hope that does the job. It’s already bad enough that I live with my parents, now that my home is messy and has roaches makes it even worse. I don't want to be a dam chick repellent!

I doubt it but if I have the time I need to go to David Z and get my W2 form before the government starts thinking I'm trying to scam them. I also need to get my lazy ass to start studying and taking that HIPPA course test so that I can get my part time paid internship underway. Plus hopefully I can catch up on my reading this week. Been alittle to lazy to pick up a book and actually enamor myself in it. These days when I pick up a book I get distracted easily and don’t concentrate too much on what I am reading.

Oh I almost forgot dudes; I’ll be doing the Better Asian Man Podcast today. Check me out homies. The podcast should be out Monday night. If not Monday night should be Tuesday morning. If you dudes have any questions or just want to say what up, call in and ask for "Baby Will" ugghh I'm starting to hate that name. I just want it to be WILL. You can call in every Sunday from 4:00-4:30pm EST (1:00-1:30pm PST) the number is 978-964-0049. Remember to type in the pass code which is 525-484#. Or you can drop an email and I’ll gladly answer your questions during the Q&A segment. Better Asian Man email is editor@betterasianman.com. Or you can hit me up whuang712@vzw.blackberry.net and I’ll be sure to bring it up during the Podcast or answer it during my own time. Ahh.. Bros it looks like it’s going to be a wonderful day today. Go out there and enjoy the weather!!!!!

Until next time homies!!!!

Today’s Word of the DAY; JUGATE – adj. Joined in or forming pairs or a pair.

Song of the DAY; Olivia Ong – Fly me to the Moon (Holy shit I’m obsessed with this chick)