updateeeee

Man... Had a rough day today. Today was another day of daytime or non venue type sarging. Went at it for 4 hour but only came out with two approaches which were less than spectacular. I didn't get any numbers or instant dates this time around. I guess I'm still in the process of riding through approach anxiety and beginners hell.

And as always as soon as I got home I watched a movie and then straight to masturbation. Hopefully tomorrow I can cut down on that because my dentist says I should be able to exercise again after a week. So tomorrow will be a week since my wisdom tooth got extracted. Tomorrow I can officially get back out there and do some Muay Thai but that's if my Beth Israel cervical Dystonia appointment doesn't fill up my whole day.
It’s weird because during my sarge many negative thoughts started to flood my mind.
- I will never get good at this because physically I'm unattractive
- Or I am just too weird, to creepy, socially awkward,
- Women are not supposed to be in my life. I do not deserve them especially high quality women.
- I am unfit, not responsible, and not manly/alpha enough
- I do not have much experience
- I do not have a fun lifestyle that the ladies would enjoy
- I am a boring guy
- I am just not born to be cool and have the ladies
- I am born to be a loser my entire life
- I do not know when to shut up and when to talk
- I bring up random uncomfortable topics or conversation threads at the wrong time
- I am atrocious at putting phrases together into a complete sentence
- I have a high squeaky nasal voice
- I am just not made out for this
- The only thing I can do is get numbers, occasional instant dates and sometimes not even both
- There is no way they will meet up with me, they will always flake
- I still live with my parents in a dirty roach, insect spider infested home. There is no way a chick would come to my home and still dig me. I might as not try and should start pick up when I get my own place.
- Just quit dude there is no point, just stay home play video games and masturbate all day.
- You would be lucky or should be lucky to land or get a date, female companionship or a long term girlfriend for that matter.
- I am not going to get laid for a long time no matter how hard I try.
- I masturbate a lot therefore I can't get girls or I am really creepy / socially awkward or socially unacceptable.

Because of the unusually high level of useless negative talk circulating in my head it took me almost the first four hours before I could do my first approach and mentally reframe to fit my composure. Even after I did my sets I still didn't feel like I was king of the world and that I could approach any girl or set. I guess it just takes time and persistence before my mindset can naturalize the fact that I am an attractive person. It’s going to take a while before my mind realizes that I shouldn't take an rejection to personally because in the end its not exactly me who they hate but my approach. Got to stick my approach!


Things I could do to better my game;
- My comfort game is weak and so is my banter
- I need to stick my approach and kino touch them with confidence whenever I open
- pause and say it loud
- stay grounded
- using gestures is optional
- try to mirror her
- still have tons of limiting barriers, beliefs and qualms about getting rejected even though I know nothing really happens after a rejection.
- I don't feel congruent, I feel like I am dishonest with myself and I feel like I am not completely honest to other people.
- I am not in the moment.
- I need to learn to control my mental state and be nonreactive to certain social situations.