Recgoinizing My Own SELF RESPONSIBILITIES and Current Situation

Ahhh.... What a dam good sensation I am feeling. This is the mighty claws of loneliness biting away at my inner soul. This is why I live for this shit and why I am fucking in this community to learn from this lonely feeling, to learn from it and move on.

I am now lying on my bed chewing my own soul into pieces. On one hand I am pretty pissed at my current life situation and on the other hand I know everything will just workout with time. Sometimes the easiest solution is to just live in the moment.

So the Korean chick that I met on craigslist went back to her home country early this morning today and I guess I am a little depressed about that. This is the mother fucking urge that I should use in order to fuel my aggression. This is what I should be carrying with me no matter how much pain it is causing me right now.

Instead I am barred up at home soaking in these inner demons. I hear the happiness of the outside world and the joy my other brothers are receiving and I am just jealous. I know it is not right to compare yourself to others but I am only human and competition is hard wired into my genes. I need to remember that we each converge into our own individual goals at different speeds.

Although this is true I am still responsible for what lies ahead. I am responsible for my current sadness, despair, loneliness, my ego, pain and fear. Although it is true that all these negative emotions do fuel actions there is always a negative to holding such hostile thought patterns. This mentality and mind set could set me back in depression and leave me to be inactive in the community and in agony.

So what do I have to do now? Well, seeing as I still cannot step out of bounds of my comfort zone, I can start to take little baby steps since that is all my ego can bare at the moment. I can start going to bars and clubs more instead of hiding from it in fear. I can start going to these places a lot and just try to get comfortable in them. I can start doing more day game. I can start developing new hobbies and reading more books. The main issue here is to go out there and gain field experience. Home, my comfort zone is not where I want to be. I have a whole life ahead of me and I should be out there living it through every moment to my soul’s content!!! As the saying goes "this is the first day of the rest of your life!!!"